Texting Etiquette with Your Ex-Boyfriend: Dos and Don'ts

Okay, so you and your ex-boyfriend are… not together anymore. But you still text. Maybe it's for logistical reasons (like sharing custody of a pet hamster), maybe it's because you're still figuring things out, or maybe you're secretly hoping to rekindle things (we've all been there!). Whatever the reason, navigating the texting waters with an ex can be tricky. This guide aims to help you navigate that minefield with grace, minimal awkwardness, and hopefully, without completely blowing up your chances of a healthy future, whether that's with him or someone else.

The Dos: Setting the Stage for (Potentially) Successful Communication

Let's start with the positive â€" the things you *should* do to keep things reasonably civil and maybe even foster a healthy post-breakup relationship.

Keep it Brief and to the Point

Unless you're discussing something truly important, keep your texts short and sweet. No need for lengthy essays or emotional confessions. Think of it like a professional email â€" concise and efficient. "Hey, did you grab the dry cleaning?" is far better than "Hey, I was just thinking about you and how you always forget the dry cleaning, even though it's so important and it makes me feel like you don't care about me…". See the difference? Aim for the former.

Be Respectful of His Time and Boundaries

Don't bombard him with messages. Give him time to respond. If he takes a while, don't send five follow-up texts. If he doesn't respond at all, that's okay too. Accept that he might be busy, and don't take it personally. Respect his need for space.

Maintain a Neutral Tone

Avoid sarcasm, passive-aggressiveness, or emotional outbursts. Stick to factual information and polite language. A neutral tone shows maturity and respect, which are essential for any kind of positive interaction after a breakup. Think calm, collected, and professional â€" even if you don't feel it inside!

Use Appropriate Emojis (Sparingly!)

A simple smiley face can be okay, but avoid excessive use of overly enthusiastic or overly emotional emojis. Keep it professional and appropriate for the context of the conversation. Remember, you're trying to maintain a level-headed communication style, not win an emoji competition.

The Don'ts: Avoiding Texting Catastrophes

Now for the equally important "don'ts" â€" the texting habits that could backfire spectacularly.

Don't Text While Drunk or Emotionally Upset

This is a big one. When emotions are running high, it's easy to send messages you'll deeply regret later. If you're feeling overwhelmed, wait until you're calmer before texting him. Give yourself time to process your feelings and think clearly.

Avoid Asking "Where Are We?" Or Similar Relationship Questions

If you've broken up, avoid the temptation to try to define the relationship in a text. It’s generally a bad idea to open a text with “So, what are we?” or “What’s our status?” It puts unnecessary pressure on him and forces him into a conversation he may not be ready for. Save these big questions for face-to-face conversations, or better yet, leave them alone altogether if you're okay with moving on.

Refrain from Comparing Him to Other People

This is a big no-no. It's never a good idea to discuss your dating life (or lack thereof) with your ex, especially by comparing him unfavorably to others. This is almost guaranteed to create drama and negativity. Focus on yourself and your own progress; don't drag your ex into your dating journey.

Don't Get Into Long, Drawn-Out Arguments Via Text

Texting is not the place to hash out complex emotions or have a full-blown argument. If a conversation starts to become heated or unproductive, politely excuse yourself from the discussion. Let him know you'd prefer to discuss the matter in person (or not at all) when both of you are calmer and more collected.

Don't Send Multiple Texts Without a Response

We've already touched upon this, but it warrants repeating. Resist the urge to bombard your ex with multiple texts, especially if he hasn't responded to the previous ones. This comes across as needy and desperate, and it's likely to push him further away.

Logistics and Practicalities: When Texting IS Necessary

There are times when texting your ex is actually necessary. Let's look at some scenarios and how to approach them.

Sharing Responsibilities

If you share a pet, a car, or other responsibilities, texting is often the most efficient way to communicate. Keep the tone brief, professional, and focused solely on the task at hand. "Hey, can you pick up the cat food on your way home?" is perfectly acceptable. Avoid any emotional baggage in these exchanges.

Arranging Pick-ups or Drop-offs

If you're coordinating child-care or other logistical arrangements, texting can be a useful tool. Keep it strictly business, focusing solely on the specifics. Example: “Hi, can I drop the kids off at 6pm today?”

Important Announcements

If you have to share important news â€" such as a family emergency â€" a quick text is perfectly acceptable. This isn't the time for nuance or subtle hints. Be clear and concise. "Hi [ex’s name], I had an emergency and need you to…."

Frequently Asked Questions

Let's address some common questions about texting exes.

• Q: How long should I wait before texting my ex after a breakup? A: There's no magic number. Give yourself time to heal and process your emotions. Focus on yourself before reaching out.
• Q: What if my ex keeps texting me even though I want space? A: Be direct and clear. Let him know you need space and prefer to limit contact. If that doesn't work, you may need to block his number.
• Q: What if my ex is being disrespectful in his texts? A: Don't engage. Do not respond in kind. Simply state that you're not comfortable with his tone and will not participate in the conversation any further.
• Q: Is it okay to text my ex happy birthday? A: A brief, polite happy birthday text is generally okay, especially if it's been a while since the breakup and you're on good terms. Keep it short and sweet. Example: "Happy Birthday, [ex's name]."
• Q: Should I delete my ex’s number? A: This is entirely up to you. If you find it's too tempting to text him, deleting his number might help maintain distance. If you need to communicate occasionally, you could keep it.

Ultimately, texting etiquette with an ex is all about respect, clear communication, and self-awareness. By following these guidelines, you can navigate the post-breakup texting world with more confidence and less drama. Remember, your well-being is paramount. If texting your ex is causing you more stress than ease, it may be best to minimize or cease contact altogether.